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Wonders of the 21st Century and other Adventures |  |
 Wonders of the 21st Century |
Ho Ho the Holidays |
Trouble with a capital T and that rhymes with..... |
Back to the Future |
The Newcomers from Hell |
Dinner Party |
Favorite Links Page |
| ******************************************************************************************* Back to Beginning of Story Gender Bender, or: A Boy named Sue??.....by Coralynn Eleanor approaches the house and hears the unmistakable sound of a woman crying hysterically. She rushes inside to find everyone home, clustered around Bethiah, who is weeping and trying to speak through it. "What has happened?" Eleanor is alarmed. Bethiah is not known to cry easily, in fact, she has never seen her cry in the 6 months she has known her. She catches an occasional phrase, like "how could he?" and "A woman!" Eleanor becomes incensed. "He has another woman!?" she asks, getting Bethiah's attention, as well as that of the others. "What a beast. What a creep!" "Creep, Eleanor?" William lifts one eyebrow. "Creep, William. That's the way the people in this century speak. Get with the program!" She continues to wait for Bethiah to confirm that Steven, her boyfriend, has another woman. "Nooooo," Bethiah says between crying jags, "He doesn't have another woman. He IS another woman!" No one knows what on earth she's talking about. "His name is not Steven," Bethiah is now beginning to get herself under control enough to speak in sentences, "He told me his real name!" "OK, so it's George, or Henry or Robert, so what?" William says impatiently. "Noooo, his name is Mary Alice!" Bethiah cries out. The others look at each other, and not one of them has anything but a befuddled expression. Everyone sits. This could take a while. Bethiah grabs a tissue and blows her nose, then also sits, and tries to explain. "I am almost as confused as you are," she starts, "But Steven was born a girl. His name, or her name, was Mary Alice. He wanted to be a man, instead, because he said he felt like one anyway, besides, they get paid more on their jobs, and then he said a bunch of other stuff I don't recall, but he was NOT born a male." "But he is so gorgeous and muscular," Rosamond insists, "He is allllllll man." "To make matters worse," Bethiah goes on, "He has decided to go back to being a woman again. This time he says he wants to be called Elizabeth. Elizabeth!!!!!" and with that she commences sobbing once again. "This is so highly unlikely, I cannot believe it!" Eleanor states. John has said nothing. He is wondering what on earth this 21st century is all about. He has heard of marvelous medical breakthroughs, but this is ridiculous. Rosamond can't stop herself from asking, "Did you not notice something amiss when you laid with him, Bethiah?" "I did not lay with him!" Bethiah is scandalized. "Ohhh yeah, you're such a Puritan!" Rosamond concludes. "That is unkind," Bethiah says meekly, "I hated the Puritans, they were mean, they had such strict rules, and they all but killed me. Remember Caleb? Remember my brute of a husband?" everyone nods yes. William puts his arm around her shoulders. "Bethiah, we know that what you say is what you think you heard Steven tell you, but it sounds so unlikely. Are you sure you understood him clearly? A female, then a male, then back to a female, this is more than I can figure, Beth, and I am extremely intelligent, as you know." Bethiah nods yes through her tears. "I'm going on the Internet!" Eleanor announces, getting up from her chair with the lever on the side, "I am going to find out what this whole thing is about! I also want to go over to Steven's house and give him or her a piece of my mind! What a creep! If he didn't want to see you anymore, Beth, he could have just said so, instead of making up such a stupid excuse!" and with that she goes into the other room to use the computer. Rosamond's mind wanders to the man Celeste told her she would meet within a month or so. The time is nigh well UP. "Men are dogs! Not one is worth having!!" she flings over her shoulder as she marches to the back of the house where the workmen are finishing up their construction acitivities for the day. She flashes them a big smile, then quickly turns to see if the others were watching Part 83: Chippendale's; It's Not Your Mother's Cartoon anymore............by Terri Eleanor knocks on Rosamond's door. "Rosie, we have to do something to cheer Bethia up. She's locked in her room and is going to pieces. I hear her sniffling and sobbing." Rosamond looks up from her vanity. Cosmetics are strewn all over the top. "Well, I don't know what to do. Maybe shopping--that's always a good pick me up!" Yeah, you'd know about shopping AND pick ups, wouldn't you, Rosamond? Eleanor thinks. "No, I was thinking of something that would broaden her horizons. Something fun. But Bethia, being a former Puritan, probably wouldn't go for it." Eleanor explains what she has in mind. Rosamond's eyes grow round. "Think we can pull it off?" "Sure!" Eleanor waves assuredly. Together, the two of them knock on Bethia's door. "Come in!" sniffles Bethia. Rosamond sits on the bed and puts her arm around Bethia. "Look, Bethia, men can be such beasts. But I have never heard of a he-she or a she-he or whatever he wants to be. I still can't believe you didn't take him for a test drive, though! How would you know he would be any good....?" Eleanor interrupts Rosamond before she gets in too deep. "Look, Bethia, we want to take you to a Chippendale show. It's what we all need. I know I could use the relaxation and Rosamond can focus her energy on her fantasies!" Bethia blows her nose. "Weeeelllll....I guess it would be OK. Disney cartoons are really wholesome. Little Will just loves the Disney Channel. I think he really likes the one when Chip and Dale meet Clarice. You know, when she starts to sing, 'Little boy....' ". Rosamond starts to say, "But, Bethia, we mean...." but by then Eleanor has grabbed Rosamond by the hair and is dragging her to her feet. "Oowwww, you witch!" Rosamond yells. Eleanor drags her out the door. Sweetly she says, "Come on Rosie, I will do your hair in that updo that you like so well. See you downstairs in 15 minutes. I think it would be best if John and William didn't know of our plans. You know how infantile William's taste in cartoons are. He will want to tag along and this should be 'chick night'. " As Bethia closes the door, Rosamond yells at Eleanor. "Are you nuts?! She will flip! She thinks she is going to a Chip and Dale film festival!" Eleanor just smiles knowingly. "She'll thank us for it in the morning!" As they scramble downstairs, they run into Henry VIII with a gallon of Edy's ice cream and a big spoon. "Hey, fnjuje mkkdi kfbdj?" "None of your business!" Eleanor yells. The man is beginning to eat them out of house and home. William is out in the garden, setting out his tomato plants. "So where are the three of you off to?" "Oh, just shopping! It will cure Bethia's ills. Brighten her spirits." Eleanor blithely replies. Rosamond can't resist. "Where is John?" William replies absentmindedly. "Oh, I don't know. He seems to disappear for hours a couple of nights a week. I think he may go to the library or maybe he is seeing that woman down the street who works in the law department at the university. You know how John admires a woman with brains." Rosamond stands there with her mouth open. "That's what you think, William!" Then she angrily stalks towards the car. The three women head down the parkway towards the City, the covertible top down and the cool evening air blowing in the faces. Bethia just sighs. Eleanor pulls up in front of a place called "Chippendales's of Broadway" Bethia looks confused. "Since when do Chip and Dale have their own theater?" Eleanor just giggles wickedly. Rosamond is still pouting and wondering if John was with that...frumpy brainiac. Eleanor holds the door open. Their eyes are adjusting to the dark. Eleanor is delighted. Bethia screams and puts her hands over her eyes. Rosamond gets them a table near the stage. Bethia is aghast. "Where are we? Not...not...in this den of iniquity?!" Eleanor motions over the waiter. "I'll have a Scotch and soda, a Pink Lady for the whiny little lady here, and the trampy one will have a 'Between the Sheets'...or maybe a Brass Monkey!" But Rosamond's eyes grow large. The waiter locks eyes with all of them and puts his tray down around his G-string. Eleanor bursts out laughing, Bethia covers her eyes again and Rosamond sits mesmerized. There in a G-string and nothing else stands their very own John Gwinnett! It was hard to tell who was more embarrassed, John or the girls. Eleanor asks, "What in blazes are you doing HERE, John?" Rosamond is speechless. Bethia just sits with her eyes covered, moaning, "This can't be happening, this can't be happening...." John still has his tray in front of him, covering himself up with the disk like a gladiator would use a shield. "Well, the owner called me to fill in for a couple of nights a week for about a month. You see, Giovanni's wife just had a baby and he is staying home with them. It's only temporary," he says defensively. "Besides, the money is good and it's not too bad as long as the customer obeys the 'three foot' rule." Eleanor says jokingly, "Well, monkey boy, away with you and fetch our drinks." As John walks off, tray now behind him to cover his buns, Eleanor whispers conpiratorially to the girls. "Not too shabby!" Bethia is still in a state of shock. I guess you can take the girl out of Puritan Southold but you can't...well, you know the rest! All Rosamond can whisper to herself, "He looks even better in a G-string than in the shower!" John returns with their drinks, but makes sure he stands on the side of the table that is in the shadows. "Of course, I would appreciate it if you had the good sense and taste not to mention this to Henry or William...ESPECIALLY William!" "Consider it our little secret...stud!" Eleanor reachs over and slips five dollars in the G-string. As John turns, Eleanor grabs his G-string and lets it snap. |
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